Mass Etiquette

Here are some practical tips for teaching chidren the correct way to behave at Mass.

These tips are for general preparation and can be done for days in advance: -Prepare all clothing and put it on a hanger or lay it out on a dresser (including undergarments, shoes, socks, belts, ties, and other accessories.) Some parents put smaller items in plastic bags and hang them on the hanger with the other clothes. -Prepare a special Mass bag with special quiet items that will help the child think of God. Among the items may be coloring books and crayons (if the child is able to draw in only the book and not on pews or other books at church), children's books about God and the Saints, a rosary (which should always be kept out of the mouth), holy cards in a photograph album, a feather (to remind them of Angels and to follow the words in the prayerbook, missal, or hymnal), a prayer book with many beautiful pictures that will help keep them focused and explain the parts of the Mass in pictures. {See also: for a free, personalized, editable prayer book that explains the parts of the Mass in beautiful pictures derived from stained glass windows and art work in churches throughout the world. Your child's / children's pictures can replace the pictures of the children in the books, so that it becomes their personal prayerbook with them showing the proper way to sit, stand, kneel, put their hands together while praying, bowing during the Nicene Creed, etc. Pictures of your church's appropriate artwork can replace the artwork from other churches. Pictures of members of your family and friends, living and deceased, can be added at either Prayers of the Faithful or during the Eucharistic Prayer. If there is something your family is praying about such as finding a new home or job, the healing of someone you know, peace in the world, etc., pictures may be added to give a visual reminder and keep the prayer time during Mass more focused. Pictures for the First and Second Readings, Responsorial Psalm, and Gospel may also be added to aid in visualizing what the Reading / Psalm / Gospel is about. After the personalized prayer book is made, matching pictures can be glued on to postable note papers with a sticky back and can be made into another little book and then used as a matching picture game with each picture on the sticky backed note paper being able to be put over the other picture in the prayerbook.}
 * Children will love what you teach them to love. When you talk about God, Jesus, church, Mass, the saints, etc. make it joyful and happy.  Your attitude will determine whether your children will love what you love. If you  make it sound fun and joyful, they will find it fun and joyful. If you make it sound like a chore, they will find it a chore.  Your tone of voice and actions will speak louder than the words you use.
 * Practice the desired behaviors at home, explaining, "Today we are going to practice what you will be doing at Mass." Practice singing favorite hymns, sitting, standing still, and handling books. Teach them proper church behavior. Practice using your "church voice" (whisper) and to remain silent for a short period of time at home. Then take them to church to make a visit to Jesus in the Tabernacle or during times of Adoration.  Begin by staying for just a few minutes and work up to half an hour or an hour.  When you stay longer, prepare beforehand by bringing a special bag of quiet books / activities for your child(ren).
 * Play dress up to show children how to behave. Explain that when you dress formally, you act in a refined manner. You sit, stand, hold books, talk, etc. in a certain manner.
 * Begin on Saturday afternoon or evening by preparing for Mass on Sunday.

These tips are for before Mass:
 * Dress children in special church clothes. These should be at least semi-formal. Stay away from provocative designs, as they can be distracting to others. Most children will be able to distinguish church clothes better if they are not made of denim fabric, since denim fabric usually represents playtime. Make sure children are wearing dress shoes. Parents should model appropriate church clothing by dressing in special attire, also. If children are to believe in the "True and Real Presence" of Jesus, adults need to dress accordingly.  When men wear suits and ties and women wear modest dresses, it makes a statement to children that "this is something special."  When people come to church wearing blue jeans, t-shirts, shorts, immodest tops, etc., children find it difficult to understand that this is any different than going to the store or beach. Children will love what you teach them to love.  If you teach them that they get to wear "special clothes to church", they will enjoy wearing "special clothes to church".  If you make it a joy, they will find it to be a joy. If you state that "these are your church clothes and you better not get them dirty or else!", then you will instill fear instead of joy.  Instill joy.
 * Ensure children have their hair out of their eyes and styled, if desired. Some children have a tendancy to behave differently with a different haircut or hair style. Children with hair in their eyes many times behave in irritating ways because they are irritated that their vision is obstructed.  Use barrettes/headbands, cut bangs, or style hair so vision is not obstructed.
 * Encourage good behavior and love of going to church to pray by planning a special treat afterwards, such as ice cream, candy ("sweets for the Sabbath"), a special family activity (biking, hiking, playing a board game, etc.), or a fancy meal with fine china and special foods. (Be mindful on Sundays that you are not the cause of others working. Plan meals, activities, getting gas for vehicles, and shopping on the other 6 days so all people can keep holy the Lord's Day.)
 * Pack soft books, if necessary, for children to read. Be sure they will not make noise. Do not bring toys, especially hard ones, as these can make loud noises that may distract others. (Cars, robots, dinosaurs are typically very noisy toys when given to boys, whereas, they may not be with girls. Yet, the questions to ask are: "What will it teach my child about God?" and "Will it distract others from prayer?")
 * Before Mass, walk high-energy children in an area around the church. This is a psychological exercise as well as physical. You are to lead the child, and they are to follow you. If the walk is not possible, have a structured work-out (eg., walking in a straight line, marching in a circle with feet lifted high, reaching to the sky, walking up and down stairs and counting as you go, and other activities using large muscles) at home before going to church.
 * Children who have a tendency to put their hands or fingers in their mouths should wash their hands before dipping them in the Holy Water font. The parent could choose to bless them with holy water with a little cross on the forehead and then teach them to make the Sign of the Cross with their hands. This way, the child will receive the sacramental value of the holy water, while inhibiting the spreading of germs.

These are tips for during Mass:
 * Model proper behavior. Children do as you do, not as you say. Part of modeling proper behavior includes watching your speech. Refrain from talking unnecessarily to friends and children. Institute your family's version of sign language for "stop that behavior"-such a small shake of the head or index finger. Be careful to avoid any negative speech, as children will repeat it at the most inopportune times.
 * Pay attention to what your children are doing during Mass.
 * If a child is being slightly noisy, try putting your finger over their mouth as you would to say "shhh". Be careful not to obstruct their breathing.
 * If a child is very noisy, take them to the vestibule or cry room until they can calm down. Remember that others who do understand what the Mass is about are there to worship God. If the child is misbehaving, remove the child until they have control of their body again so they do not disrupt those worshipping God. Every child seems to go through a stage of misbehavior during Mass. Remember that all parents have had to correct (or should have corrected) their children's behavior in public.  You are not alone in your struggle. Modeling and practicing the proper behaviors at home and taking time to prepare for Sunday will greatly enhance the joy of worshipping together as a family, and greatly reduce the period of improper behavior during Mass.
 * Do not pick up whiny children. Lead them out.
 * Do not spank, pinch, swat, yell at, or scream at children in church. These methods do not work well, and teach rebelion, disrespect, and violence.
 * Do not allow children to crawl or walk on the pews. It can wear on the pews very rapidly. In addition, kicking the backs of the pews, missals, hymnals, etc., should be curtailed.
 * Do not allow children to stare at the people behind them. It can be distracting and make the people uncomfortable. This leads to the tendency to act so that others take notice. From early on, the child's attention should be directed to the celebration of the Mass. Allow time to visit after Mass so people that want to give attention to your family can do so without being distracted from giving to God their undivided attention.
 * Do not give children food or drinks while they are in the church. If you need to feed them, take them to the vestibule, cryroom, or outside. Most chldren can survive an hour without food. Infants are an exception, but they can eat most easily when they are in a secluded and quiet area. (Private parts should only be exposed behind closed doors. That is why they are called private.)
 * Change diapers in the restroom or other designated area. It is very distasteful and very unsanitary to have someone change a diaper on a pew, chair, or the main church/cry room floor. (Private parts should only be exposed behind closed doors. That is why they are called private.)

These are tips for after Mass:
 * Ensure all books, missalettes, papers, etc. are in their proper places. Leave the pew orderly for the next person.
 * If someone hands out candy at church, be sure only the well-behaved children get candy. Give a note to the person if you do not want your child to have candy. This works well if they are hyperactive, have food sensitivities, or for other personal reasons.
 * If a child is misbehaving while you are conversing with friends, correct the behavior immediately. If the behavior persists, leave. Tell your friends you will call them later. This way, the child knows you will correct the behavior.
 * Always know where your child is after Mass. If the children go outside, a parent should be with them.  Many children will go off with other children and get into trouble if no parent is there to supervise them.
 * If there is a fellowship time afterward with refreshments, make sure the children take only one cookie/doughnut and drink. If anything is spilled, teach them to clean up their mess.